A Clean Home Is Not Your Shelter


There is not one corner of my home that feels picked up or organized lately. My house definitely has not looked the way it does for a photo shoot in a long time–and surely not since I became pregnant. We are presently more abundantly blessed with mess-makers than house-keepers. Do you have that problem? Even with all the offensive tactics and deliberate pursuit of staying on top of our family’s daily upkeep, we simply have fallen two steps (or more) behind ever meal, every load of laundry, every spill…every mess.

For those of you who spend every day caring and managing your home, you know what I mean when I say I feel overwhelmed and discouraged by the perpetual-ness of it all. I’m doing the next right thing, learning to be more efficient, sometimes making time for inefficiency, and setting my mind on the fact that I get to serve my family. But as I press on with the things I know to do, the house continues to carry on much like a one year old learning to feed himself: Some spoonfuls make it into the mouth, some just make a mess.

The reality is that my home and my family life will continue to stretch and strive to be more disciplined, more organized, more efficient in picking up and cleaning up….for year so to come. Any notion I had of finding comfort and satisfaction in the perfection of my home has simply shown itself for what it is: an idol of the heart that can neither sustain or deliver.

A home void of the evidence of little ones in training has often been my shelter, my comfort in the midst of these busy-crazy-messy years. It was never meant to be.

Instead, I’ve been meditating on Psalm 91:1-2

“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”

Our physical shelter and our environment were never intended to be our true refuge. They provide safety, comfort, warmth, and intimacy for the family, but they are merely temporary, and as I am experiencing in my own life–unreliable resources for stability and assurance of the heart.

Are you putting your trust and your worth in your surroundings? Do you struggle to be happy when your home is not the way you want it to be? Have you found yourself sheltered under the wrong source of refuge? Friend, I know I have.

Dwell in His shelter
Rest in His shadow.
Take refuge in His mighty fortress.
Trust Him who is worthy.

Psalm 91:1-2 reminds us that He is where we must turn, where we must hide, where we must take shelter, and where we must surrender. If you are weary today from all that is a mess in your life–whether physical or internal–run to Him. He is our strong tower!

38 thoughts on “A Clean Home Is Not Your Shelter”

  1. Ouch. So needed that this morning. Thank you. Right now keeping my house clean and neat is the one thing I can exert any semblance of control over. And I turn to that cheap imitation for comfort instead of to the only One who can and does provide ultimate, real, and lasting peace and comfort. Thank you for the reminder of truth!!!

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    1. Cheap imitation is right, Becky. I always think I’ll be “happy” if the house was just clean. Yes, it is a blessing to have a clean home, but my heart has to find it’s “home” in the shadow of the Cross.

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  2. I agree completely. I spent my children’s childhoods feeling perpetually guilty that my house was always messy. Now, I just don’t set any goals for the day, so everything I accomplish is gravy. Amazing how much easier it gets the second time around!

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  3. Dearest Ruth,
    I SO needed this. The exact moment when this post hit my inbox, a friend and I were discussing our messes around our homes and how overwhelming it can be. This has been weighing on my heart lately. Thank you!

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  4. A welcome relief to hear others are in the same boat….feels like a sinking boat sometimes! Just had a melt down yesterday about this exact thing. Thank you for the uplifting and encouraging verse to remind me of the important things. Many blessings to you today!

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  5. Officially sick today and SO needed this. Thank you so much for sharing, feeling much calmer with the state of my house and knowing it isn’t what matters, resting in Him is.

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  6. love this! I’ve been mulling over the concept of “embrace the chaos” the last few days. Today, I decided to put my kiddos first before cleaning. We picked pumpkins, made crafts and even more messes. Lovely verses to meditate on as we try to keep the main thing the main thing! Thank you!

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    1. Enjoy your day, Melissa…no mother has ever said, “I regret spending my day focusing on my children!” 🙂 A great reward to making messes with the kids is often to encourage them to participate in the clean up! Blessings to you.

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  7. We’re so on the same page…(Ias I note the fingerprints on the wall to my right and the jar full of grass and two spiders on my kitchen counter). I will do my best to be faithful in all aspects of my mama-wife-role…the little and the big, but not the little at the expense of the big (what truly matters). And I love this post…encouraging me to find my sanity and safety and shelter in Him.Love, K

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    1. I think the biggest challenge for me is always in the “how” of prioritizing that which is most important while pressing on in the daily grind. It’s a blessing to have like-minded soul-friends to walk through it with. 🙂

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  8. Hi Ruth,I have been reading your blog for a while and it has been such a blessing to me. I’m usually not a “commenter” but feel it is high time I said Hello! I have cried and rejoiced with you quietly. I also learned recently that we have a mutual friend in Annalea. This particular post has been another blessing. I was in the midst of a cleaning frenzy when I stopped for a break and read this. The house is not finished but already feels cleaner because of a fresh perspective. Thanks for the reminder!

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    1. Mary, thank you so much for commenting! I’m so honored to “walk with you” through this crazy season of life. And, yes–I’m so blessed to call Annalea my friend…and now, neighbor!

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  9. Love watching your blog readership grow as it has. You are lovely and I wish we could spend a day together. Alas… I’m with you on this post, however, what about when a clean house IS actually our husband’s shelter? I prefer him by cleaning all day, it feels. It’s a balancing act for sure:) I rest in the shelter of the Lord as I depend on Him for strength each day.
    Blessings

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    1. Wendy, it is indeed a balancing act, as caring for our homes IS a blessing and service to our husbands. Don’t you think it is about pressing on in the must-do’s while setting our hearts on the right motives? I find for me that when my heart is prioritizing the right thing, my efforts to clean and organize can truly be a blessing and not a thorn for my family. I so appreciate you sharing your thoughts and for being a part of this community!

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  10. Ruth,
    Your writing has the heartbeat of a mother. You encourage in a way that makes me feel like you are a dear friend that I have yet to meet. Your honesty obout our mama-struggles and the compass in your words always pointing us to the Answer are like a warm blanket in the sometimes fall chill of daily serving as a mother, wife and teacher. Thank you for allowing Him to speak through your humility. Your words blessed my heart today as if they were a whisper from my Father. *hugs*

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    1. Lori, it brings tears to my eyes to know that God is using my inadequacies and struggles to bless and encourage others. I’m honored to be a part of God’s work in your life. And, I have no doubt we would be fast friends over a cup of tea and warm cookies…wouldn’t that be fun? 🙂

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  11. you totally read my mind dude. well said my friend. that’s how i’ve been feeling lately, and i’ve been dreaming in fact, of having a never ending budget JUST for decorating my house in an ADULT way and getting the clutter and messes under wraps. and it’s just not happening. thanks for reminding me that things would not be “better” if all of that were in line and if i had just the write vase with just the right flowers on an empty table instead of one filled with shreds of construction paper and dried glue. love you.

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    1. what Amy said..serioulsy my thoughts exactly! i have to throw away the Anthro catolog that comes in the mail because i just get mad that i can’t have a house full of cute mugs and vases and great clothes and organization…ha! great mind shift for me today…thanks again for this reminder!

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      1. Amy and Jill, you KNOW that I get you. I get the desire to scrap it all and start over with your “ideal” house or look. And, praise God, I don’t have a budget or a husband who will allow that kind of idolatry. 🙂

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  12. This has been a very hard week for me…the mess was only a part of it. My exact words today were, “I’m going to go postal on someone soon!”. Not a very Christlike response to the chaos. I have had serious moments of mother-wife-homemaker inadequacy this week and honestly just a sheer lack of joy and gratitude.
    I am always grateful for your sound words and how the Spirit moves through you to so many others. Thank you, friend, for the reminder of where my safe (and chaos-free) Shelter is. I pray that we as Christ-centered women will always look to Him. We cannot manage (aka prevent postal-going) without His strength!

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    1. Oh Michelle, I’ve got those “postal” moments too!! 🙂 May we apply what we know in our heads to what we live out in our lives. Only by the Spirit!

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  13. We have 3 small children and I say this time and time again! It’s a total uphill battle to keep a perfect home with children! But I try to live by the standards that it is more important to spend quality time with my family than to have a perfectly clean home! Thanks for the post!

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    1. Christina, having young children in the home is definitely the challenging season in this area…I think that is why women who have grown children have such perspective on what is really important in this stage. May we aim to be moldable in these years, and seek to be conformed to His image in these areas of struggle!

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  14. I read this, I hear you, I “get it” on a mental level. But I don’t get it any deeper than that. What is wrong with me? My house is always a disaster and I hate it but I accept it. The part I don’t “get” is the finding shelter in Him part. I am a believer. I have been transformed by the blood of Christ. . . but still I am lost. I hear people talk about this rest they find in Him and this closeness they feel. I can’t find it. I can’t find the intimacy. I try so hard to do the right things, to teach my children to seek Him. But here I sit in the middle of the night with a broken marriage and a lonliness that could overflow the Grand Canyon. I feel like a fraud to my kids. And my family(parents and siblings), who aren’t believers, mock my messy life. How do I find Him? I pray. I read. I cry. I cry out to Him and the echoing silence shatters my soul day after day. Part of my problem is that I long for my husband’s aproval more than for God’s. I don’t know how to stop doing that, because I am not gaining either one. I’m so tired and I just don’t want to be lost anymore.

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    1. I am so sorry your heart is hurting and are in a time of deep trial and loss. It may feel as though you are pursuing God (and somehow not getting anywhere), but in reality, God is pursuing you. Can I encourage you to return to the simple, yet profound truth of the Gospel? That you are loved, forgiven, and truly incapable of any good or “right” living on your own. That without Christ, we all will make a terrible mess of our lives. We desperately need Christ to painfully expose all the deep and ugly sin in our lives, and to replace it with His righteousness. I would highly recommend BECAUSE HE LOVES ME, by Elyse Fitzpatrick, as a resource to bring you back to the reality and the true hope of the Gospel. I more than understand that, in the midst of the deepest valleys, it is difficult to see the good and the blessing in any of it….but I will pray that you will experience and KNOW that He is indeed there with you, that He is yet to complete His work in you. I am praying this for you and your family today from Ephesians 3:17-19 : “that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”

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  15. ok so this is honestly i big struggle for me…the balance between having our home be somewhat sane for my hubby to come home to, and then also letting a lot of it go so i can focus on the kids and enjoy them more. ugh. it’s hard for me!! some days i can just roll with the mounds of laundry facing me and dirty dishes and i’m totally at peace with having fun with my kiddoes, then other days i’m completely overwhelmed!! i know all my hubby wants is a nice wife and a hot meal, and my kids just want me, but i also need some order to keep myself sane. Like i know what you’re saying in my head to be true, but it hasn’t yet fully reached my heart so that i’m able to live it out daily. all i keep finding myself saying to God lately is “grace grace and more grace God!!”

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    1. Jill, I wrote this post because it is such a great struggle for me too! The struggle isn’t so much letting go of the house–because I think I actually can do that pretty well—but the struggle is putting my hope IN CHRIST. I run to so many other things for joy and comfort. May we learn to find him our only treasure. Hope you have a blessed day, Jill!

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  16. thanks for the response 🙂 i had to re-read this post. a couple times actually…praying that it would hit me. i so badly want Jesus to be my all, my refuge, my place that i run to daily. and he certainly is in the morning…but in when i’m full swing in mommy mode it’s HARD. i find myself offering up little prayers throughout my day..mostly consisiting of “help me Jesus” . gosh i don’t know why this is so hard for me to swallow today. it just is… also sorry if i have mis-spellings, my computer is messed up at the moment. thanks again for your awesome posts!! I now look forward to coffee and your blog during naptime…and all my facebook friends love your posts as well 🙂

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  17. Ruth, I came to read your post from your allume link up and once again am blessed by your site and the grace that you write about (and with).It is so true that a clean home is not your shelter. You lead moms to the truth and that is a beautiful thing! Praying for you as you minister to moms hearts.
    Blessings, Kristin

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  18. Ruth,Just before opening up your blog, I emailed a prayer request to my MOPS leader regarding my need to somehow figure out a way to balance everything in my life; my duties as wife and mom, our home, the mess, my job (working from home,) etc etc. Feeling overwhelmed by the mess day in an day out, I struggle because I know in the grand scheme of life, family is more important than dirty floors and piles of laundry. This is a huge struggle for me, some days I can step over the mess with no problem, and some days I want to just cry because I can’t do it all. I am so grateful I opened your site today as this really hit home for me. Thank you!

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